Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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