Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
