I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
