my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
