i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
