He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
True strength comes from lack of pants
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
