He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
