Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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