i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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