I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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