I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
