bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
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The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
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Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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