Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
This house was built for laser tag.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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