when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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