shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
