party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
