I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Randomize
