You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
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He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
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First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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