Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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