If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i will never coherently bang her
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
