I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
