We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
