Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
