i was rollin on her like bob the builder
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
