my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
