what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
