I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
