I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
