He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
