i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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