Ambien. No doubt about it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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