So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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