You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
