I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
