I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
