She's JV to your varsity
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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