Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We don't watch enough power rangers
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
