alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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