DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
