I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
