He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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