Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
