I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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