Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
