Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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