I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I need moral support for this bender
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
There's even glitter on my cock...
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