Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
No I am not eating basil off your cock
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
