Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
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All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
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