Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
