It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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