i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
