Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
