I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
