One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm both gender and math confused
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
