Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
