He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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