I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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