He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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