Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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