he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize