Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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