At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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