His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
