I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
