i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize