I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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