i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
