Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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