I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
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