I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Michael Bay diarrhea
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
