see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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