I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
